We have all had the challenge of losing our zest as we trod the path of wealth accumulation and financial stability. No matter how strong our motives, vision or goals for financial freedom, there will come a time when we feel frustrated, bored or unfulfilled. It took Brad and I years to become debt-free and then it took us seven years of consistent effort to become financially independent.  

During my travel to wealth I had times when I wanted to throw in the towel and just BLOW cash. It would usually come after a particularly hard period of struggle. One such time occurred close to the birth of our second child when my husband had been diagnosed with cancer and was undergoing radiation therapy while I was in my final trimester. I can remember sitting in my living room, rocking to ease my low back pain, and wondering if all this frugal stuff was worth the suffering I was feeling. I had swollen feet from hanging laundry and making jelly, a headache from negotiating lower rates on our car insurance and general malaise from lack of sleep. To say that I was a bit stressed during that point in my life is a major understatement.  

Two wonderful things came out of that experience for me. First, my husband is healthy. The cancer was caught early and destroyed. Woo-hoo! Second, I learned a whole new set of skills for handling stress, frugality and physical exhaustion. What you need during those dark days when you’re so tired you put the milk in the cupboard and the peanut butter in the refrigerator is this: five simple questions. The next time you’re really anxious about money and close to depression as you look at the bills due and no money in the account, ask yourself these questions.  

1. What do I want? Usually my first thought when I’m tired is, SLEEP! For my clients deep in debt it is, MONEY! But then go a bit deeper and try to really think about what it is that you want. Usually for the first six months after a child’s birth all I really needed was sleep to get me feeling better. Those were the times I would give up on frugality and I would hire a sitter to come over and watch the kids while I slept. It was TOTALLY worth the expense for my better frame of mind. For those of you who answer, MONEY, do you really just need the credit agencies to stop calling? Many times we answer like this, “If I had more money, I would be fine.” I can assure you that is not always the case. Frequently you have emotional needs that are not being met.

1. What do I need to learn? This may sound silly, but I have found that when I am frustrated or feeling unfulfilled it is because I haven’t given myself enough reading time. For me, reading is learning. I relish sitting on a comfy couch, having a cup of tea, and reading a good book. When I don’t get enough of that, I become cranky and my attitude takes a nose dive into negative numbers. Maybe reading isn’t your thing, but what activity do you enjoy that is low-cost that you haven’t been giving yourself? Often something as simple as a walk will help elevate a your spirits.

1. What do I need to do? This question is a life saver for me!!! I find that when I get totally overwhelmed with all the activities and responsibilities in my life, a simple to-do list calms my nerves and lowers my stress levels. Often I find myself trying to keep too much in my brain. I don’t spend enough time with what is occurring right before my eyes in the “now.” When I’m starting to find myself getting depressed about all the things I need to be doing and how little time I have to do them all in, I realize that by writing them down I actually find ways to break them into smaller projects that can be managed in the 15 minute increments that life allows me.

1. What do I need to feel? Often when I have negative emotions, I notice that I have not taken the time to determine what my personal needs are. I have spent inordinate amounts times helping others and have forgotten to take a few minutes for me. So, when I get negative, I know (for me) that I need to feel peace. The best way for me to achieve peace is to meditate. I’m not talking about a super long time of sitting alone in a quiet room! Come on! With four kids and a husband who works from the house, quiet is a commodity that only comes after all sentient beings are unconscious in sleep! For me, I usually just need to take five or ten minutes and sit quietly in a chair focusing on my breathing. I know that this probably sounds ridiculous, but forcing myself to just focus on my breath and sit as still as my body will let me gives me peace. Figure out what you need to feel and then go about doing the behavior that will bring about the positive emotion you seek.

1. What do I want most right now? This is a very different question from number one that states, “What do I want?” What you want may take you days, months or maybe years to achieve. However, “What do I want most right now?” Will lead you to an entirely different understanding about what is missing in your life. I have found when I’m extremely frustrated, “what I need right now?” will guide me to some amazingly simple solutions for relieving my stress. Often it is a quick call to a girlfriend to vent my current situation. Sometimes it is a walk to the kitchen to grab a cup of tea. The break from the problem for five minutes is enough to give me the vitality to attack it anew.

My emotions dictate my willingness to spend or save money. Because of this I spend a lot of time teaching others to address their emotional needs regarding money as well as life. If you find yourself becoming overly negative about your financial situation or the speed of the progress you are making then I recommend that you run through these questions. Quickly print them off and jot down the answers that first pop into your head. It will open up what is really troubling you. Now, if you end up having a problem you can’t fix immediately, then you need to ask a final question: “Who can help me with this?” I KNOW you’ll have someone come to mind instantaneously. I recommend that you email or call that person right then and chat with them. They will have the advice, system or point of view that will help you break out of your slump.  

As you move from debt to wealth to financial independence, realize that there are going to be days that you want to give up on your grand financial plan and chuck the frugal lifestyle! When this emotional state hits, before you grab the checkbook and credit cards take the five minutes to go over these questions. It will save you hundreds maybe thousands of dollars as you practice these renewing tips through the years.